Today is the 31st October 2013, and I will be a bride in exactly one week's time. This customary thing, feels different. 

I'm scared. Afraid of what will tie me down this time.

Somehow, I wish I had the guts to do what I really want. Pleasing others is a different life from what I thought I had in mind. How long can I please someone? How long can I afford to please someone? 

It's my life, my choice, but I'm doing everything differently solely for the sake of not being selfish and doing what makes most people around me happy and feel good that I have a good and safe path to walk on for the rest of my life. 

But somehow, I don't want it to be entirely this way. I wanna take risks, I wanna take chances that people tell me that I'm going to regret. I wanna put faith in things that people refuse to agree with. 

Having faith in being healthy again does not matter to me, because people age and will die. Death is not fearful, it's the separation that people desperately wanna avoid.

I wanna feel danger again. My life used to be colorful with danger, but it's only grey now. Everything is.. grey...